Are You Painfully Dependent on your Partner or Spouse?
Here's what to do about it...
Affiliated COUNSELING
AND REFERRAL SERVICES (ACRS)
DR. Michael Shery, clinical
psychology
2615 Three Oaks Rd, Ste. 2A,
Cary, IL 60013
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“Since
1976, state-of-the-art counseling which treats the problem, not just the symptom…”
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FREE Taped Messages: Call 847 516 0899 (24 Hrs). To hear: How
to Select a Counselor-Push 1; Emotional Stress Caused by an Accident or Injury-Press 2
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Are You Painfully Dependent on your Partner or Spouse?
As a psychologist and counselor in Cary, Illinois, I find that there can
be up to 22 warning signs that indicate you are suffering from a fear of being abandoned or excessive dependence on someone
else.
First, what are these signs?
1. Inability to become self-sufficient and over-reliance on a partner,
spouse or parent for support, housing, approval and care-giving
2. A history of many fleeting intimate relationships, with little
space, if any, between the end of one and the start of another.
3. Excessive feelings of panic, fear and helplessness when faced with
being alone as a relationship comes to an end.
4. Preoccupied with the need to please others.
5. Feeling overly hurt by
criticism.
6. Needing excessive reassurance from others before taking action or
making an important decision.
7. Excessive pre-occupation with fears of being
abandoned.
8. Relationships determine almost all of ones self-worth, happiness
and fulfillment
9. Involvement in relationships in which one was physically abused
but had great difficulty leaving.
10. Painful avoidance of saying No or disagreeing with others because of fear of
being rejected.
11. Difficulty appreciating the importance of the dependency in spite of the fact
that trusted others continue pointing it out.
12.
An attitude saturated with striving to meet others expectations.
13.
Painful neglect of ones own needs.
14.
Chronic reticence in providing ones own opinion or viewpoint.
15.
Guilty allowing others to give or do things for self
16.
Expressing an excessive sense of responsibility for others.
17.
Lack of protest when boundaries are violated.
18.
Taking too long to make decisions or take action for fear of being wrong.
19.
Over-verbalization of negative things about the self.
20 Finding ending a relationship with an abusive partner to be almost
impossible.
21.
Chronic placating of others in relationships
22.
Difficulty in asserting self because of fear, trepidation and anxiety
If you experience any of these symptoms, it would behoove you to seek
therapy or counseling.
But what will your counseling accomplish? How will it benefit you?
1. Increased confidence in oneself to meet ones own
needs.
2. You will be able to implement effective coping skills and fulfill
normal responsibilities when you are alone with no current partner.
3. You will be able to achieve a healthy balance between independence
and living with appropriate dependency needs.
4. You will be able to reduce the dependence on relationships while
developing increased autonomy.
5. You will be able to establish firm self-boundaries with others and
protest appropriately when they are violated.
6. Your self-worth will depend much less on your relationship and
much more on the effectiveness of your autonomous behavior.
7. You will be able to break away cleanly from any abusive
relationship.
8. You will be able to eliminate any of your abuse of
mind-altering substances
9. You will be able to implement relaxation training in
order to become more assertive and firm with others.
10. You will be able to significantly reduce the resentment and anger
which has saturated your thinking about a past abusive relationship.
11. You will start seeing your future as hopeful and not be
pre-occupied about needing to find a partner.
12. You will be able to increasingly ask for what you want and say No
to what you don’t want with reduced anxiety
13. You will start feeling a reduction in your preoccupation of trying to get your
partners approval. You will be able to use relaxation and positive imagery to reduce any
pervasive anxiety related to pleasing others in a relationship.
14. You will be able to identify and reduce any catastrophic expectations caused
by the fear of a relationship ending.
15.
You should be able to approach previously intimidating situations with much less fear and more
confidence.
16. You should have a thorough understanding of the results of pathological
dependency and be able to progressively reduce the frequency and negative impact of any relapses.
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About The
Author
Dr. Mike Shery
is a licensed clinical psychologist and is affiliated with almost all health
plans, including: ValueOptions, Medicare, Cigna, Cigna Behavioral Health,
United Health Care, Aetna, First Health, Healthstar, Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois, ComPsych, Magellan Health, HFN,
Tricare, Humana, most union local plans, most school district plans, Unicare, ChoiceCare, CAPP, Multiplan, Mental Health
Network, Managed Health Network, United Behavioral Health, PPONext, Private Health Care Systems, Humana-Military and Beech
Street .
He has practiced
clinical psychology for approximately 24 years and is board certified as a specialist
in professional counseling by the International Academy of Behavioral Medicine, Counseling and
Psychotherapy. He is the director of Affiliated Counseling and Referral Services and is a member of the American Counseling Association.
The office is
located in Cary, IL and in select cases phone consultations are available for those who don’t live locally> Telephone Counseling.
To make an
appointment> New Patient Registration or to
learn more about the psychological services he providescall him at 1-847-516-0899 (24
Hrs).
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To make an appointment, schedule yourself now;
Click: Make appointment for Cary Office: Therapy and
Counseling
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